...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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