I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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