If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Your penis caused this!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
