smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
