Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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