i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
