i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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