Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
