he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize