All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
