I skipped work to stalk him.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
