I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
