i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
