And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
