New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
