I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
