No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
