I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
