Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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