Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
