he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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