i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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