that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
