Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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