He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
