does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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