friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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