How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
