I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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