Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
