oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize