Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
