I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
