If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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