a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
