I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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