Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
