I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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