i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
