so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
