I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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