she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
