Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
