you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
