I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
