He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
