i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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