We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
