Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
