I'm eating all of the evidence.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
