He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you made out with another girl for some wings
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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