Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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