was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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