dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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