so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
