Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
