Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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