Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i would punch a child for taco bell
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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