we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize