bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize