i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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