I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
