its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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