Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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