Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize