Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
