don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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