Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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