Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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