The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
