Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I love you. Go after that dick
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
