hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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