She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
