I am puke
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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