everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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